I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
