Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
