you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize