It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
