So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
