Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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