Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
