i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
