Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
