i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
