smell my finger.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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