worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
