; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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