i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
