I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
