I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
