So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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