I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
worst night to have a conscience
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
