it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
