Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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