After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
