Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
