if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
