She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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