I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
