Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
