We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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