i think my mom watched the whole time
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
