u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
