The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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