I faked an abortion last night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
