"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
