I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
