1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
