I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
