you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
