We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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