You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
