It's like God shit irony all over that family
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
