is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
