Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
