Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
