the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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