she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
