a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
