dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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