I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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