Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
