I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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