this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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