I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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