Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
