you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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