i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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