Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
