This is not my ceiling
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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