Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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