Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
