Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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