So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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