Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
