Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
