Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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