1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
