Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
