i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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