She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
