I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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