It's like God shit irony all over that family
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
