she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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