Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
