I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
